


Hanji and the Ass Tatt

by pedalprince



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-19
Updated: 2014-10-19
Packaged: 2018-02-21 19:53:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 707
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2480429
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pedalprince/pseuds/pedalprince
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Hanji gets an idea, it's best to keep her far, far away from your pants.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hanji and the Ass Tatt

It was midday, and the winter sun was filtering quietly through the sheer curtains of the Scouting Legion’s smallest break room, making speckles and lines of light dance on the walls as the breeze slipped in.

Distant footsteps, slowly approaching, were all that could be heard – that is, if a person were even listening.

Lance Corporal Levi, humanity’s strongest soldier and former renegade, was fast asleep, messily draped over a long couch while still maintaining his elegantly snappish demeanor – and, of course, totally unaware of his immediate fate.

The footsteps, clicking with increased fervor, tiptoed into the break room with relative ease. It was wonderous, she thought, that he would leave himself in such a vulnerable state with the door unlocked.

She wasn’t going to do anything crazy, she said to herself…

Well, nothing completely insane.

She grinned and held up a rectangle of thin transfer paper, drawn on with utmost care with a black ink pen: on it was the face of Eren Jaeger, doodled with the expression that told a person that he had either totally shit his pants, or he was ready to kick titans into the fiery, hell-hot sun.

A bucket of water, filled low, sat at her feet as she swished a towel around in the tap. When the water felt sufficient, the woman turned to the sleeping figure on the couch.

Wow, she muttered to herself. He sure looks comfy.

Let’s change that, shall we?

Hanji Zoe knew something that others did not – if Levi trained rigorously enough, however tough he acted about it, he would sleep like a rock for at least the first three hours after he crashed wherever he could lay his head down.

It was the perfect time to do things that would make her wish he had the mercy to cut her down with 3-d maneuver gear.

She could tell by how long he had been gone that he had been asleep for safely an hour and 20 minutes, which meant that he was definitely still in his rock state. (Yeah…that’s the name for it, she agreed.)

He was not wearing the strap harness which would have made the job impossible – only a white button-up longsleeve, jeans, and his boots, dirtied only slightly from his earlier training. She took a moment to pull his pants down, not quite able to hold in her choked cackles as he showed subconscious discomfort.

She applied the tattoo with relative ease, jumping up every time Levi shifted even slightly in his slumber. She wondered what he was dreaming about, but continued her work as she hummed a tune she had heard earlier from Sasha.

“What the fuck are you doing, Jaeger?” I called, knocking the ill-fated shitstick to the ground with my knee.

“I…hands…sir. The hands, sir!” He screamed, practically just as passionately as he had when we were getting chased by Annie’s brutish (and pretty undisputedly ugly) titan form.

I kneed him again, and he doubled over. His hands lay in a pile on my clean-ass floor. The floor I had spent so long cleaning…they…what are they doing? Why are they all approaching my backside…and they’re tickling?

“WHY ARE THEY TICKLING, JAEGER? GET THEM OFF ME, DAMMIT!”

“I’m not sure, sir! I don’t exactly have control over them!” Eren cried, seeming more like a toddler with every word he spat out.

“They’re TICKLING, you titan-shifting wad of shit!” I snapped furiously.

“Finally, the job is done!” Hanji said, grinning and admiring her work.

There it was.

Eren Jaeger’s rage face was planted on Lance Corporal Levi’s oddly luminescent left butt cheek for at least the next two days.

Joy filled her expression, and she moved the bucket and towel out of the room.

She wasn’t half as careful putting his pants back on as she had been pulling them off, and Levi woke up in the instant that she tried.

And so there he was, the legendary soldier of the Scouting Legion, running with an Eren Jaeger ass tatt and his pants wrapped gracefully around his ankles, chasing down the woman who had figured she would try and screw him over.

Your work was honorable, Squad Leader Hanji.

You will be dearly missed.


End file.
